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lipstick

Bingo Jokes!!!!!!!!!

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman... She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.

 

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

 

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 

Lips

 

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Dear John,

 

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.

 

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

 

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's million dollar coverall.

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A man and wife are playing bingo and were competing against each other to see who could yell out bingo the most.  The magic number was 5 to win this little match.

5 came up and they both won.  Because of this it was even. "No it wasn't!" the wife shouted, "I said it quicker!"

 

HEHEHE!!! Quicker or Louder would work for me!!!! lol

 

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Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?

A: Stake money!

 

Q: What do rodents say when they play bingo?

A: 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

 

Q: What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?

A: Betty!

 

Knock-Knock!

Who's there?

 

Bee Eye.

 

Bee Eye who?

 

B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o

 

 

 

 

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My wife came home from Bingo yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

 

I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.

 

I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."

 

"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.

 

"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

 

"In the lake!" One number away from Bingo and she drove straight in.

 

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Every week after bingo a couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

 

The man said, "Will you watch us make love?"

 

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor

said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you make love." And he

then charged them $32.00.

 

This happened several weeks in a row after bingo. The couple would make an appointment,

make love, pay the doctor and leave.

 

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

 

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married

and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.

 

The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here

for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's

office."

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A man walked into a bingo hall and chooses his bingo cards. Seeing a fly land on a particular number on one bingo card, and thinking this was a lucky sign, he bought that card. Later on that night, he lost. "Must have been a house fly", he said.

 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

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:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P

 

Too cute shell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lips

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LMAO @13oclock hahahaha, you've got some talent man. if only these kind of jokes are allowed at bingo time . it would really be fun playing with you in the same bingo room man or rather "slot machines" lol :D 

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An elderly couple was driving to bingo one night, and the woman was driving.

 

She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.

 

The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

 

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

 

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

 

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."

 

The woman gives him her license.

 

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

 

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

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LMAO,,,,,,,,,Oh that is way funny Lips.....Thanks for that.

 

                                                                    PMM

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OMG....loloololol....

That was so funny and I laughed out loud...

Gawd,I hope I will be hearing good even when I get old... ;D ;D ;D

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The Bingo ball

 

I and my lady friend were playing bingo one night when we got into a discussion about how much the bingo balls weigh.

 

I told her the balls had to be very light to bounce around. According to her the balls were very heavy because of the noise they make as they bounced around the cage. After we left the bingo hall she came home with me. She began to talk in her sleep saying  "these bingo balls are very light"!

 

I lay there taking it all in. She began to play with the balls and tugging on them saying they she can't get them out of the cage. With that i yelped "ouch"!

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A husband and wife were fighting in the car one night coming home from bingo. Seems the husband failed to see a bingo on his card and missed the $500 coverall. The wife swears she will get even with him for being too busy looking at the other ladies and missing the bingo win. Angry, he was driving over the speed limit when he saw the police through his rear view mirror.

 

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 45 zone."

 

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."

 

Wife: "Oh, Herbert. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

 

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

 

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

 

Wife: "Oh Herbert, i told you about the tail light last week on the way to bingo." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

 

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt."

 

Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

 

Wife: "Oh Herbert, you never wear your seatbelt."

 

The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

 

The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

 

The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.

 

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who sits quietly one moment and starts swearing at the top of his lungs the next minute at someone across the room?

 

A young woman in the rear of the room raised her hand and answered, "A bingo player?"

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Obama Nobel Peace Prize Won Playing Bingo - Novel Piece Prize

 

President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize was in fact a mistake. Obama actually won a Novel Piece Prize after playing bingo at an online bingo site. The prize was won at a Norwegian online gaming site when he managed to call bingo in under 45 balls.

 

The confusion arose in the English translation from the site. In Norwegian the letters B and V are actually pronounced the same way. When the email was sent to the Whitehouse informing the President, who is an avid bingo player, of his win the staff were totally surprised. One staff member who wished not to be named said. "We were in a state of shock. It seemed amazing to us that the president had won a prize for peace, especially after he had just sent in extra troops to Afghanistan. Unfortunately the news was released to the world before the error was noticed."

 

The Novel Piece Prize is in fact a electronic wine bottle opener in the shape of a popular Norwegian pop singer. The online bingo site said they regretted the error but unfortunately could not award the President with the Nobel Peace Prize but would still ship out the Novel Piece Prize by DHL tomorrow.

 

 

 

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