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lipstick

Bingo Jokes!!!!!!!!!

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A man goes to the doctor. The doc checks him over, and says "Sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so-called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There's nothing I can do for you - just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."

 

So back he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he's never been there before.

 

He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand. The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000.

 

The Bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says "Son - I've never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house & the national grid - I've never met anyone so lucky."

 

"Lucky??" the man replies, "lucky? I'll have you know I've got yellow 24."

"Dear me," says the bingo caller with a chuckle, "you've won the bloody raffle as well!”

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

 

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The concession stand at a local bingo hall was trying to increase business so it started offering its own pull tab for people who bought their large cup of coffee. Prizes on the pull tab were for free food and small prizes at the food counter.

 

A blonde gets her pull tab, peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

 

Finally the concession stand owner comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

 

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...

"W I N A B A G E L"

 

:P :P :P

 

Lips

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LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

 

BINGO GALS TALK CASINO HUBBIES

 

Two longtime friends liked to play bingo every Friday night and discuss their husbands who also liked to gamble.

 

“My husband’s going to a casino in central Asia,” says one elderly Bingo player to another.

 

“Tibet?”

 

“Of course,” the old woman says, quite annoyed. “Why else would he go to a casino?”

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

 

 

 

 

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Joe the bingo caller fancied one of the pretty ladies who came to play bingo every week. Getting the courage, he asked her out on a date and eventually married her.

 

Carl who sold scratch cards during bingo was a bit surprised and remarked to Joe, "You are such a big, brawny guy. Why one earth did you marry such a tiny, petite woman?

 

She is no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Carl," replied the bingo caller. "But she strokes that jumbo dabber much better!"

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A woman goes to bingo and brings her pet duck for luck.

 

The duck curious, walks up to the bingo stand that sells dabbers, bingo bags and good luck trinkets and asks, "Got any grapes?"

 

The bingo worker confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

 

The next day the women returns to bingo hall with the duck, the duck returns to bingo stand and asks, "Got any grapes?"

 

The bingo worker, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

 

The next day, the duck returns with bingo player and again goes to bingo stand and asks, "Got any grapes?"

 

Again, the bingo worker tells him, "No -- this bingo stand does not sell grapes, has never sold grapes and, furthermore, will never sell grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

 

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bingo worker yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bingo stand! We do not sell grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bingo stand!"

 

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

 

Confused, the bingo worker says no.

 

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

 

  LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

 

 

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I just got fired from my bingo job..........

 

After calling "A meal for two and a terrible view"

 

Apparently my manager didn't like how i described B69!

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Marge, the  bingo caller isn’t feeling well, there is a strange tingling and pain in her hands. She leaves work early to go for a complete checkup, comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:

 

- Honey, I have good news and bad news – good news is I can go back to calling bingo balls tomorrow, bad news is doc said strictly no other physical activity with my hands for three weeks...

 

Husband:

 

- And what the dentist say?

 

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A man goes to bingo and ends up losing the shirt off his back after buying too many cards and playing Slots at intermission. He was so broke he couldn't afford a cab ride home. So he went out to the front of the bingo hall where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie.

 

He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address but the driver wouldn't budge. The cabbie snapped, “If you don’t have $10, get the hell out of my cab loser!” So the man was forced to hitch-hike home.

.

A couple weeks later the man, returned to the bingo hall and this time he won a huge progressive Jackpot. He went outside to get a cab ride home when who should he see at the end of a long line of cabs, the guy that threw him out of his cab.

 

The man got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? "$15,” came the reply. “And will you include a sexual favor on the way?” “What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab.”

 

He got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to the old cabbie guy that kicked him out two weeks ago he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied “$15.”

 

The man said “ok” and off they went. As they drove slowly past the long line of cabs he rolled his window down, gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver!

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Bingo Operator: Your username please?

 

Guest: My username is Daffy Pluto Mickey Minnie Donald Road Runner Speedy Gonzalez London.

 

Operator: Why do you have a username like that?

 

Guest: Why? You guys told me it had to be 6 characters long and include a capital!

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Bingo Operator: Your username please?

 

Guest: My username is Daffy Pluto Mickey Minnie Donald Road Runner Speedy Gonzalez London.

 

Operator: Why do you have a username like that?

 

Guest: Why? You guys told me it had to be 6 characters long and include a capital!

 

LOL

 

Disappointed Wile E. Coyote was not among the chosen characters :)

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Bingo Operator: Your username please?

 

Guest: My username is Daffy Pluto Mickey Minnie Donald Road Runner Speedy Gonzalez London.

 

Operator: Why do you have a username like that?

 

Guest: Why? You guys told me it had to be 6 characters long and include a capital!

 

Hahahaha I really like this one lips!

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Peter and his wife are trying to set up a new password during registration at an online Bingo site. Peter  thinks of one that will be easy to remember and comes up with, "MePeter". His wife falls on the floor laughing so hard because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

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10 signs that you are addicted to Online Bingo:

 

1. Bingo Customer Service calls YOU for assistance.

2. When told a funny joke you say “L-O-L” out loud.

3. When entering a crowded room somewhere more you ask management what is the size of Bingo pots.

4. You are more aware of your online Bingo friends’ daily activities than your own spouse’s.

5. When asked “What did you say?” you yell “Bingo!”

6. You change your Bingo user name so many times you have to check your own Bingo profile find out who you are.

7. Before logging into a Bingo site, you pack a picnic, a flashlight and tent.

8. You spend more time saying good-bye to Bingo roomies than you do saying good-bye to real-life friends when leaving a gathering.

9. After discussing online Bingo to your therapist she is now hooked and you both now have your sessions in private Bingo Chat rooms.

10. You have a designer license plate with your Bingo nickname on it.

 

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Girl says to her bff: "My husband is going on a trip to Central Asia"

 

Bff :  "Is he going to Tibet?

 

Girl: " Of course, why else would he go" !

 

 

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A girl is strolling on the beach when she hears a deep voice says DIG! Looking around she realizing no one else is there she begins to think she is hearing things.

 

Then again the voice yelled: I SAID, DIG! Reluctantly she begins to dig in the sand when she uncovers a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice commands: OPEN!

 

With a rock destroys the lock opens the chest and she sees a small amount of cash. The deep voice says: TO THE BINGO HALL! She grabs the chest and walks a few blocks away to the nearest bingo hall. The deep voice says: PICK ONLY CARDS WHICH INCLUDE THE NUMBER 27.

 

She purchases a pile of cards with the cash found in chest and sits down at a table. She needs one number for the Progressive Jackpot and it is the number 27. Every bingo player is quiet as the caller announces the next ball.........and it is..... 26. The deep voice says: SHIT !

 

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While Joe's wife is on her way home from bingo his buddy calls him. "Hey Joe was at bingo tonight with my girlfriend and saw your wife. She got herself a Bingo but had to split it 10 ways and ended up with only $5.00."

 

Just then Joe's wife walks through the door. He hangs up and says what's for dinner i am hungry. Not wanting to cook she tells him she won enough at bingo so they can go out for dinner tonight. "Oh you don't  say, how much" asks Joe.

 

She decides to add another zero to her win "$50.00 Joe, isn't that great". Damn it woman where in the world did you learn how to exaggerate like that - If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times don’t exaggerate!

 

 

 

 

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And now for a corny joke!!

 

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the Bingo Hall?

A: Because he was on a winning roll.

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

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